When I was in school all the girls, but especially me, would prank the boys balls just for fun. With everything from a swift backhand in the balls, to a full on surprise punt from behind.

It was always really funny and got a good reaction from our girlfriends. Oftentimes other boys would laugh nervously as well, although I’m sure they knew on some level that they might be next. It was good fun and a way to make school life more interesting, in a way akin to friendly banter, and even flirting.

Think about it, it’s an excuse to touch and interact with a boy you might fancy, and it’s totally harmless as well, aside from the intense testicle pain and humiliation. But is that even real? LOL 😉 either way, it was totally worth it…

I have so many memories of smashing my shiny black Mary Jane shoes into various boys’ balls so incredibly hard that the shoe bent and flexed and sometimes would get a dent in it. I used to get through a lot of school shoes!

Whoever’s stupid balls I kicked, would have been instantly pressurised to within an inch of their life. I always felt that the funniest way to nut-kick someone was with maximum force, real 100% intensity kicks. If harder is better, my kicks were best. You would think that my foot would get sore with all this kicking, but my school shoes really were key in protecting and serving me well LOL.

I was also an opportunistic prankster though, so I would hit balls in other ways, if the opportunity presented itself. Punching, slapping etc, it was all very entertaining!

To me, it works on several levels. Firstly it’s always funny when a boy gets his nuts smashed super hard, for various reasons which I’ve written about in other blog posts. But, what makes it a good prank is doing it in front of a large group of people who also enjoy a satisfying goolies-crushing. A really mind-bending gonad stomping that makes the boy forget his name, forget everything, and go to some almost psychedelic place of gut-churning agony. That would always get laughs and sometimes even claps! Some of my girlfriends would hug me afterwards and high five me while the boy was still spasming on the ground. 

Poor old Jimmy.  Imagine you’re minding your own business, when suddenly you go from zero to 100 on the pain scale. Your yummy lunch strains to make a re-appearance, and your body desperately tries to figure out exactly what happened. Fiery shooting ball pain presses down on your brain, drowning out everything else, but you become embarrassingly aware that there’s a whole group of attractive teenage girls celebrating around you at the same time. Urgh! You just wish you could disappear from this humiliating nightmare situation! Overall though, you’ve been prank’d good!

So, doesn’t that sound fun boys!? Go ahead, punch yourself in your horny balls right now really hard 3 times just so you know what it’s like. And imagine all your sexy crushes watching and laughing. I’ll wait 😉 

Anyway, once we got older, it became less socially acceptable generally to prank balls, without the benefit of the community understanding and tacitly accepting that it’s normal [like in school]. Me and ball pranks grew apart for a long while, I’m sad to say.

But as luck would have it, recently I was at the pub catching up with my brother and his friend Finley, and I mentioned I needed some help with some electrics. My brother’s friend offered to help, however my brother jokingly warned him that I sometimes have a tendency to do painful pranks.

Finley laughed and said something like, “She can prank me anytime.” 

It had been so long since I’d heard a cocky balls-of-steel attitude like that, just begging to be shown a good time via a rocket powered boot in his hilarious balls.

I said to him my favourite pranks are surprise nut-hits. 

He said, “I don’t think you could catch me by surprise like that.”

Instantly I slapped his balls.

“Ooof!” he rocked off his bar stool and half fell over!

I laughed and so did the barmaid behind the bar. 

“Yup, I already got you good didn’t I?”

He squeaked, “Yes, you nutter.”

I said, “Sorry Finley I just had to. Can you come by Monday and help me out?”

“Urgh” He groaned, “Yes, but will there be more of that?”

I said, “We’ll see.”

“I’m prepared now, so I don’t think you could surprise me again. Now I know what you’re about.” 

Now tell me, doesn’t that sound like a challenge? Maybe he’s one of you horny ballbois! LOL.

Monday came around and he came over to my flat. He had a cup of tea and started to get to work. 

I was sitting on the couch watching him do his thing. I was glad he was there to do it. Instantly I noticed his butt was in the air and his balls were practically being served to me on a platter. I thought, ooh this would go down a treat with those horny bois I always talk to… I silently propped up my phone camera on the other side of the room. Then I took a running football punt into his balls!

Step step SMASH!!! I kicked them so hard my foot hurt! His fragile, delicate babymakers must have felt obliterated inside his sac. The poor dears, those lil organs had just been minding their own business and suddenly they were squished inside out. I really got them impeccably good. They were squashed absolutely flat and jostled around my foot and splatted against his pelvis.

“Gaaah!” Was all he managed to say. 

“Haha! Got you again! You said I couldn’t surprise you again.”

He curled into a tight fetal position, rocking on his side on the floor moaning like a big baby. 

“Would you like another cup of tea?” I asked, all innocence. 

“… Yes” he pipped. “You got them so good.” he groaned when I returned with his tea, “I can feel the pain in my balls in my kidneys.”

You boys and your weird bodily reactions never cease to amaze me.

He finished his work about an hour later and I thanked him. 

“Bye Finley, by the way… I got that on video, do you mind if I show my friends? We’ll all have a good laugh at that one.”

Sure enough, when I posted it on my LoyalFans, everyone had a good laugh and probably a bit more than a laugh, you horny ball-perverts 😉 

But it got me thinking, what are the best ways I’ve pranked boys over the years? So without further ado, here’s the list:

1) Seeing Stars 

This one was popular when I was a bit younger, and it was one of my early favourites. You and your girlfriends simply go up to a boy who likes you, after the sun has gone down, and you say to him, “Wanna see stars?” He should say, “Yes” or “Sure” predictably.

Then you get really close to him, and you hold his left hand in your hands, and you say, put your left hand out, like this… you take his right hand in your hands, and you say, now put your right hand out… like this… Then you say, “look up”. All this is really doing is obviously creating a distraction and building trust, as he gets closer and closer to you, and more and more confused. 

When he looks up at the virgin night sky, you take a step back for some power, and then you kick the absolute shit out of his stupid balls! 

When he’s down on the ground, holding his balls, crying and moaning you say, “Did you see stars???”

Cue the hilarious laughter of all involved! Another excellent ball-prank, committed. 

2) Look Over There 

This one is an obvious one, and so simple you can do it to virtually any boy at any time if you’re feeling in the mood. You just say, hey what’s that over there? And then WHAM!!! Right in his balls!

This is a good one for tricking your annoying brother, because it requires almost no setup and very little trust. All they have to do is turn their head just a teensy bit away from you, allowing you time to wind up and slam your foot directly into their soft balls.

Suddenly they feel their testicles smashed and squashed, their scrotum pinched and crushed, and are hit by wave after wave of nausea and agony! Hey what’s that over there??? WHAM!

Actually it usually only works 3 or 4 times before they learn about your tomfoolery, but it’s a terrific 3 or 4 times, filled with laughter and some serious gotcha vibes!

3) Let Me Kick You In Exchange For… 

This is a good one for use at University or for a night out at a bar or wherever there are gullible, horny guys. So basically anywhere!

You have something the boy wants, say some really juicy, perky boobs, just for example! And you say hey, if you let me kick you in the balls, I’ll show you my boobs, maybe you can even touch them! If he’s horny enough he’ll agree, especially if you’re wearing a nice low cut top and looking doll’d up.

Then you kick him insanely hard, dead centre in his unprotected nuts. Imagine you’re aiming for a spot at his belly button, then follow through to there, lifting his whole body up with the power of your boot smashing mercilessly into his precious gonads.

Then when it comes time for you to show him your boobs, you can either do it while his face is squashed up against the floor and he’s in deepest nut agony, or just walk away LOL. What’s he going to do, call the boob police??? LOL

4) Help Me With This Thing 

This one I already talked about earlier in the blog. It just requires you to have a boy busy doing some mundane task. He really could be standing, sitting, kneeling, whatever really…. you’ll always be able to get his nuts when he’s distracted on another task 😉

It always comes as a big surprise to his unsuspecting, vulnerable, but deserving, family jewels. The important thing is that you stress that it was just a prank and would he like a cup of tea? 

5) Cold Hard Cash vs Balls 

There is always going to be those cocky boys that don’t believe kicks to the balls hurt ‘that much’ but they have always been curious to try. They are easy to convince, especially when you are a charming and attractive young lady. You can mention that ‘life’s short’ and ‘you have to experience everything!’ and also throw in the words ‘bucket list’ and you should be golden. Then you seal the deal with “If you let me kick you in the balls right now, 2 times in a row, I’ll give you £100!”

It works better when you say it in front of a few people, because it puts the pressure on. And also someone else might step up and say “yeah go on, for £100 quid!!!”

He agrees. You make him stand with his legs apart, then you line up the shot, and take a full force kick at his balls, and you kick them harder than you’ve ever kicked a pair of testicles before. You mustn’t be afraid to damage them, or anything like that, because you gotta give him the full experience. Plus, you are paying for this kick technically, so gotta get your moneys worth!

I want him to suddenly feel like he’s made a terrible mistake, and in the millisecond where his genitals are compressed to their maximum, we want him to think that he will never have children, that life is precious and he’s suddenly wasted his natural born right to offspring. Kick his balls up into his throat and then be ready to start laughing, because after you’ve kicked him once… that’s it! There is NO SECOND KICK! 

He’ll never get a second kick, nor £100. The only thing he gets is damaged, swollen balls! LOL

It’s mean but he’s ultimately he’s probably gonna be thankful there isn’t another kick coming his way. So really, you’re doing him a favour 😉

6) Wait Til He’s Fast Asleep 

(WITH CONSENT!)

This one only really works if they’re already into ballbusting and you have spoken about ballbusting while asleep etc. You have permission to fuck his balls up while he’s sleeping. It’s still a funny prank but he’s into it.

I like this one because you can do it to your boyfriend, dick appointment or fuck buddy, whoever really. There’s nothing too special about it, all you have to do is wait until he’s fast asleep. No one protects their balls when they’re asleep, right? Especially if he’s manspreading and sleeping at the same time. The only difficult thing can sometimes be making sure you get a truly horrendous massive overhand hammer-fist straight into his sleeping balls.

Ideally he’ll even deserve a sleep-busting by doing dissatisfying like falling asleep after sex and not giving you an orgasm, or cumming after one minute. I have no sympathy for that. Then you can slowly and delicately peel back the covers, revealing perfectly nude, massive post orgasm balls, swollen from use. 

Bring back your fist all the way above your head, and deliver the most mind shattering, ball-bursting hammerfist you’ve ever delivered, deadly straight into his sleeping balls! 

Watch how quickly he wakes up! It’s like he wasn’t even sleeping LOL. It’s better than coffee. I recommend every girl try it at least once to their ballboi <3