If you’re reading my blog you might be aware I’m a practicing Dominatrix who specializes in ballbusting. I bust in all manner of ways and all manner of severities (I gotta say though, my favorite is definitely maximum super hard ball kicks). At any rate, due to me being something of an authority, I get asked a lot by boys, “How do I get a girl to kick me in the balls?”

To be honest it isn’t that hard. And in fact there are several ways, and if you try all 4 that I list here, I guarantee you’ll get a foot buried so far in your nutsac that you’ll be able to taste toenail polish.

1) JUST ASK

Sounds easier said than done, but actually, not really. There’s lots of situations where you can ask a girl to kick your balls without being a total creep. Let me give you a few examples:  You’re in a relationship, you are in bed with your honey doing some pillow talk, you ask her, “Do you have any secret kinks that get you especially hot?” Now when you ask this you have to be prepared for her kinky shit, but since in my experience most women’s kinky shit has nothing on guys’ kinky shit, I think you’ll be okay. Regardless, remember not to judge, be supportive, whatever you do don’t laugh, and also, just do that shit yo. Inevitably she’s gonna ask you what you like in response. Go ahead and tell her you want her to try ballbusting. It’s just that easy. What happens after she says “Ok” is a subject for a different blog post.

Not every boy is in a relationship though so let’s look at a few more examples.  Got any female friends? Can you meet them socially for a casual drink? Well go on. Do that! When you’re out there with them, wait til they’ve had a couple. Lower those inhibitions. Now say something like, “Oh man, I just saw Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey, oh my god, do you think there’s enough groin attacks in that film? Sheesh!” She’ll probably laugh. Then say, “I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to get kicked in the balls to be honest, but no one’s ever done it to me. I guess I’m not a big enough jerk… Hey.. could YOU try it??” I mean, hey boy, improvise. But I think you get the gist. Once you’ve done it once, you can try to make it an ongoing thing. Just imagine regularly getting kicked so hard in the balls that the next day you can make out little shoelace shaped bruises in your scrotum skin…  Also I have to add, every once in a while, in your life, you’ll come across a natural ballbuster in the wild. These girls wander around and will hit a guy in the nuts with little to no provocation. If you find yourself near one, make a note. Figure out a way to strike up a conversation. If you see her regularly, just bring up the topic somehow. Or even provoke her, in a nice way, since you know she goes for the testes anyway. But we don’t want you being annoying now do we? NO! We don’t.

2) BUY MY T-SHIRT 

While this does seem like shameless self-promotion, the fact of the matter is, everyone who’s bought this t-shirt, so far nearly a dozen boys, has been kicked in the balls super hard while wearing it. And hey, buying it is a nice way to say “Thank you Miss Stacy”. However for the purposes of this blog, by all means, go make your own shirt, cheapskate.

As you can see it is pretty self-explanatory, it says Kick My Balls, Drop me = 1 FREE beer*

Implicit in your attire is the wager. You might even get a surprise, unexpected ball kick, from an eager thirsty lass; a wonderful treat every boy ought to have the pleasure of experiencing. And yes I know it’s a bit like the JUST ASK one, but in my opinion it’s fundamentally different in approach terms, plus it’s easier because it works with complete strangers, and it’s a conversation starter! To be fair, there is a bit of an art to making the T-Shirt work. But it’s not too difficult. Here’s how to do it: First, put on your shiny new shirt, (plus shorts are a good idea), then hightail it over to the nearest bar. Find yourself the drunkest girl there and be charming. Ideally you’ll find one of those fall-down drunk types that really loves her beer, there’s usually a couple at any popular bar if you stay there long enough and keep an eye out. They’re kinda loud so they’re not hard to find. Make yourself some friends, order a round of drinks. Guys will see the shirt and probably think, well this oughta be good. They might even help you find your special lady. When you find that perfect girl who does things for beers, don’t be shy! Make the haughty wager that appears on the shirt. Be sure to smugly imply that you can definitely take whatever kick she’s got. But be nice. And don’t be a creep. And be prepared to buy whatever beer she likes. Also be sure to let her try again if she misses your balls on the first go (those puny things are tiny!) If you’re lucky other girls might want to join in, this has definitely happened, so be prepared for that eventuality. Just imagine, agonizing regret-filled, damn-I-should-not-have-done-this testicle pain, all for the price of a single beer! You’re welcome. GET THE TSHIRT HERE 

*women only

3) HIRE A SEX WORKER

I recommend finding yourself a nice Dominatrix like me, Ballbusting Stacy, who specializes in ballbusting, but we are pretty rare and you’d be lucky to find one as wonderful. That said, there are plenty of dominatrix’s who do ballbusting as part of a balanced list of things designed to torture and humiliate horny boys who need to be put in their place. I’ve discovered ballbusting isn’t even that uncommon a fetish, relatively.

 If you can’t find a dominatrix, then you can surely convince an escort to mangle your balls, if the price is right I’m sure she’ll have absolutely no problem reducing the amount of testosterone in the world. On the plus side, if you’re just asking them to foot smash you in your pathetic cock and balls, you can be pretty sure it won’t be the most disgusting thing a boy has asked them to do recently.

But remember, you get what you pay for. I might add the good thing about acquainting yourself with a caring dominatrix is that you can have a discussion with her about your needs, fears, and desires, and talk about your experience and hers. In this way you can tailor make your experience exactly to your liking. And you will probably have a better experience overall with a nice lady who is experienced with this fetish.

4) FIND A MISTRESS ON FETLIFE

This is another one of those, easier said than done numbers, but fortune favors the bold. If you’re not a creepy freak or a loser who tries to initiate an interaction with just one word, “Hey,” then you’re already ahead of the game. Look around for ballbusters in your area. Or maybe even farther afield. You could always strike up a conversation and then take a trip to see your new friend. Let me give you some tips to help you out. a) Don’t just say, “Hey.” In case you didn’t pick up on that earlier, it’s not cool. Every girl on Fetlife has a dozen “Hey” messages a day and after a week or so on the site, they usually just get unceremoniously deleted without any follow-up. Here’s an idea, pretend you and her have been friends for 10 years and just talk to her like a normal person. b) read her profile first and try to comment something about that. It’ll at least show that you’re paying attention. c) if she asks for a tribute just give it to her, don’t be a cheapskate. It’ll make the whole interaction go so much smoother. And think about it, if you want nice things in life you have to pay for them, and that especially includes getting a sexy babe to launch her cute foot into your wrinkly nude scrotum so hard that testicle puke shoots out of your nose while she laughs at you.

5) PISS A GIRL OFF

I’m not recommending you do this. In fact, I’m recommending you do not do this. However it would be silly, and disingenuous of me not to include it, since it’s one of the ways men find themselves on the floor in a fetal position wondering what just happened.

Truth be told, there are a lot of girls out there who, if you get on their bad side, they will not hesitate to boot your balls into next week, where you will find them waiting for you after they’ve finally stopped aching. While it was more common when I was younger, I’ve seen it happen in clubs, and not really even for very good reasons.

Story time! Literally the last time I went to a club I saw a normal, perfectly reasonable looking average guy, get bumped from behind at the bar and he 100% accidentally spilled some of his beer on a young lady’s suede high heeled shoes. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes were suddenly furious with rage. He was mid sentence, I couldn’t hear what he said, but I am guessing it was something like, “I’m so sorry let me buy you a-“

But he couldn’t finish his sentence as her bony knee shot like lightning straight up into his nuts. As her other high heel acted as the fulcrum for her weight and she leaned back a bit and her arms went flailing out to keep her balance. She got some really great momentum into the move, all of her violent force going bye-bye straight into his drink-spilling crotch. I’ve seen some knees, and this was top-notch. He fell instantly to the ground and, ironically, dropped the entire rest of his pint all over her other shoe. In my opinion, serves her right. It was an accident! She stormed off in a huff and complained to the staff as he laid there dry heaving, probably wondering what his new life of ball-lessness was going to be like. The bouncer showed up and Mr. Average was removed from the club while everyone stared and laughed, it was pretty hilarious.

 Anyway, natural ballbusters in the wild. They’re out there. But don’t make a habit of annoying ladies. That’s no way to live your life.