Here’s a real life ballbusting story involving testicle grabbing and squeezing:

I’m at a bar in the city of London, sipping on a nice cocktail and waiting for my friends to arrive. We have a fun night of dancing and hanging out. It’s nice to let my hair down. I haven’t been out in a while so it’s a good to catch up with people and get a change of pace. It’s post-covid and I’m still getting used to being around so many people again. I’m currently unconcerned if anyone around me is infectious and all the other uneasy paranoia.

A man in his forties sidles up to me and looks like he’s about the say something.

“Hello love, haven’t seen you here before, are you on your own?”   

He’s in his work clothes and seems to be drunk already. His breath blows close to my face and it smells disgusting, like a pack of cigarettes, a mix of alcohol, and god knows what else. It immediately brings stinging tears to my eyes.

“I’m waiting for some people.” I respond quickly.

“Well, I’m some people!” He shouts before laughing loudly, “I’m here!”

He thinks he’s really funny. When he says the word “people”, little flecks of foul smelling spittle fly into my face. I get goosebumps from how repellant he is and yet I try to stay respectful. For some reason he’s sweating hard in his slightly clingy black trousers and plain white shirt that looks a size too small for him.

I smile, nod and turn away from him.    

“Let me buy you a drink!” he says.

I look at my drink and reply “No I’m alright, I have a drink, thanks.”   

“Go on love, have another! Maybe a different one?” he smiles.

Why does he have to shout every word into my ear? The music isn’t that loud. He then puts his hot and sweaty arm around my bare shoulders. It’s way too much. 

“Erm no, get off! I’m not interested, sorry.” I reply.

“Whoaaaaa!” He says theatrically, doing some weird sort of arm flailing dance. “Sorry DARLING I didn’t realise you were such a little BITCH.”

I bite my lip and try ever so hard to ignore him. I see the bartender behind the bar motion to the bouncer, and they both start to come over towards me.

But what happened next only took a couple of seconds to escalate.    

“Hey! Yes, I’m talking about you, love,” he says.

He starts poking my arm, then he misses and pokes the side of my boob, “Why are you…[more pokes]… such an ungrateful…” but before he could finish his point, I reach down and slam my open palm into his crotch.

I grab a nice handful of one of his testicles, there it is. It’s bigger than I expected. I figured he’d have small balls. It’s trapped in my fist now. This all happens in a few seconds. I didn’t think this night would involve ballbusting but here we are…

His mouth turns into an open “O” shape and he pulls his pelvis back away from me, but he realises he can’t go anywhere. I pull him back, ball first and start squeezing hard.   

“What did you call me?” I say right in his face.

“Ah, ooo aah, nooo, er ” he starts making monkey noises. “aaaaugh get off me agh, you bitch!” he answers.

He grabs my wrist and tries to pull my hand away from his testicle. But it just makes me pull his nut away from his body. I got it good. I squeeze the centre of his ball so the pressure is building.

The pulpy pink microscopic lobules, or ball spaghetti as I like to call it, in the testis is starting to deform, compressing, bursting tiny capillaries, sending ball goo and newly formed sperm unnaturally into his delicate efferent ductules. That’s not how any of his ball shit is supposed to work. I grind my thumb into the top of his ball, where the blood supply flows. This sort of acute testicle trauma seems to short circuit a man’s brain as now all he can think about is the stabbing shooting pain knifing through his body.

Gone is the leery douchebag, who was just moments earlier pawing over me. Now I have his full attention and his testicles are putty in my hands. I’ve found this ballbusting manoeuvre has a pleasantly sobering effect on annoying (and drunk) lads.

“What – did – you -say?” I ask him again.  

“Nothing! I didn’t say anything, please let me go arghhh” He whines at me in my face, and again I’m reminded how atrocious his hot breath is, so I let go of him and he crumples to the floor. 

The bouncer comes to my assistance, grabs the offensive man and hauls him off the floor, saying, “You, OUT!”

But the man can’t get up properly yet, his knees are weak and he drops again to the floor. 

“My, fuck… my ball! She… she…” he whispers to the bouncer.

“Cry me a river mate, you need to leave right now and we don’t want any more trouble.” says the unmoved bouncer.

His spirit has been broken, he’s seriously ball bruised and properly chastised. He’s barely able to walk, clutching his worthless nut, probably trying to check for internal testicle injuries.

The other groups of women around me are gossiping to each other, laughing, and a couple of them start shouting “woohoo!” as he hobbles off. Meanwhile all the boys are wincing, but many of them are also laughing at the daft drunk man too.

As I reflect, I wonder if any of the witnesses are now slightly turned on by ballbusting? This happened to me a few months ago and still makes me chuckle to think about it. It’s a textbook example of the right way to ball grab a silly loser and teach him some manners. Often women might be reluctant to take advantage of the testicles to instantly gain the upper hand in the situation. However I think that after trying the nice, sweet and polite way, it’s a good option to try next. The balls are there, within arms reach, and the boy has had his whole life up until that point to learn to be respectful. It’s almost your duty to grab his balls and turn them into mush, ladies.

Of course there are other ways girls can defeat boys through their dangly bits. A skilful kick in the testicles can knock a boy instantly unconscious if you get it just right. A knee in his stupid nu`ts might also make him suddenly vomit up all that expensive booze he’s been drinking. If you can orchestrate it perfectly to step or jump on his balls, he might even surprise cum his pants in an involuntary ballbusting pain-orgasm.

There are so many viable ballbusting options if you feel like it, or if the moment presents itself. Sometimes however, there’s only enough room or time to slide your hand down and grab a handful of man junk. Speaking of, I think it’s important to note that while you’re down there, don’t worry about grabbing both his balls. Although two balls are good for yanking and trying to tear them off, when you’re just squeezing testicles you only need to grab one testicle. That way you can really focus all your energy on ruining the one testicle. With a decent amount of effort you can even pop it that way if you feel so inclined.

(I talk about precisely how to pop testicles in my Squeeze Me FAQ video and the Squeeze Me 2 interview).

Anyway boys, don’t ruin a girls night or be leery, as you might get your nuts taught a lesson. And don’t try and annoy girls to get your nuts into this situation either, as there are better ways to experience real life ballbusting.