I thought I’d drop a blog about my 4 most memorable “Trick shots”.
There are nearly as many different ways to pound nut sacs as there are nut sacs in the world, and really there’s no wrong way to do it as long as you get them dead on. Although let’s be honest, even a tiny glancing blow from a backhanded flick of the wrist can turn some pantywaist loser into a squealing mess of testicle pain. But it’s always been my opinion that the truly most funny gonad pranks are ones that the boy doesn’t see coming. Boys of all ages are usually so keen to protect their bounce-balls that it can be hard to get a dead-on, perfectly lined up scrotum blast. So, here are my favourite methods over the years.
Also since you’re reading this, before we go any further together, go ahead and do yourself a favour right now… by grabbing your left ball in your hand and squeeze it in your palm, so that your lil’ racquetball has nowhere to go. Now, pull it up so it’s looking right at you. Now, pretend your right fist belongs to Miss Ballbusting Stacy… and bash that lone testicle as hard as you know I would. NOW!
I want you to read about ball pain and experience ball pain at the same time, just so you know what we’re talking about in this blog. Plus, I really like to know my readers have a nice warm feeling in their guts as they’re reading. So, just do it. Hurry up, we haven’t got all day.
1) See Magical Stars!
This was the first ball-prank I was ever made aware of. Before this I always just kicked balls the old fashioned way, with no ruses. During a mixed-gender summer camp I went to one year, there was this annoying boy named Jerry who would always prank people. He got my friend with one of those electrified gum pranks that shocks you when you pull out the gum, and he threw a stink bomb in the girls’ changing room at swimming. I said to the rest of the girls that we should prank him by kicking his balls into orbit the very next time we laid eyes on him, and my friend Ellen said, “Even better, let’s make him ‘See Stars'”
I was like, “Huh? How does that work?”
She said, “We just kick him in the balls but first we trick him into making it super easy for us.” She proceeded to explain how, and we agreed it was a marvellous plan.
So later that day we catch Jerry in his bathing suit just after going swimming and two of us girls invited him over to the rest of the girl group to “See Stars.” It was going pretty easy, though at first he was suspicious. So we did a “fake one” first. I told Ellen to stand with her feet double shoulder width apart. Jerry looked on as I told her, “Now put your arms straight out at shoulder height. Palms up.” She complied. At this point Jerry was teasing Ellen by saying how he could see her nipples through her damp blouse. Ellen half-stopped what she was doing and covered her chest coyly.
“What the fuck Jerry you weirdo pervert!” she said.
I added, “Gross Jerry, you can’t see anything, you’re imagining it… Ignore him and concentrate, Ellen. Hands out, palms up. Now look up and close your eyes. On the count of four, open your eyes and tell me what you see”. Ellen followed my instructions and I counted to 4.
She opened her eyes and looked up and said, “Oh my god wow, the stars are crazy! This is amazing, I also feel it in my fingers. That’s so cool!”
Jerry said, “Okay move over, I want to try! Do me next.” So, we got him standing there with his legs spread super wide, palms up, head back, eyes closed.
“Don’t open your eyes even for a second or it ruins it.” I said.Meanwhile Ellen and I lined up our shots real good. Taking a couple practice steps to get the footwork just right on the immense ball-pranking-shots we were about to take. The other girls had covered their mouths and were trying so hard to suppress giggles.
“Okay, on four, open your eyes.” I said, “One…Two…”
Of course, Ellen and I had agreed that on the count of “three” I would kick his dick into space, immediately followed by her own kick. We’d even practiced our double kick earlier for like 10 minutes to get the timing right. The trick was to pay attention to my steps and start your running kick after she saw me start my run, that way she was just one step and a fraction of a second behind.
“Three…” I started my ball run, an instant later so did Ellen. Step, step, SMASH! Double-SMASH! It worked perfectly! Our shoes were like a couple of well oiled plum pounding machines as they crashed into Jerry’s glands one after the other. Ellen’s foot burst into his nutbag so quickly after mine that I’m quite sure the first teste blast hadn’t yet reached his brain. Thud-thud. It lifted him up off his feet and down he came crashing into the ground. We squealed with delight, and all the other girls were in tears of laughter which had gathered quite a crowd now.
“Four!” I continued after a moment, “Jerry open your eyes! Do you see stars?!” Everyone laughed even harder at that. Jerry for his part was just crying on the ground.
“Hey Jerry, quit pranking us girls. If you wanna prank someone keep it to the boys, okay, have fun with your stars and all that.”
Jerry didn’t do a single prank to any girls for the whole rest of the summer camp so, mission accomplished.
2) Hey! What’s that?
I am a bit worried that a lot of these stories have the same sort of feel to them, but they are a bit different because as you get older your methods need to evolve. Boys are always pretty easily tricked though, especially if it’s by a woman they have a big crush on. Luckily I have been blessed with a fair few over the years.
So fast forward to me at university. I was hanging out with a mixed group of boys and girls and we were drinking beers and smoking cigarettes and trying to look cool, and I guess I thought it would be funny to pull a quick ball-prank on one of the more annoying boys. I pointed up at the corner of the brick building we were standing next to, “Hey Dan, is that CCTV camera following us?” He looked up and was about to say something when he got my black converse All-Star suddenly buried in his family jewels.
“Awwrrgghhh!” he said, and he tried to laugh it off. His knees locked together and he bent over. He was laughing, I was laughing, everyone was laughing. His cigarette fell out of his mouth.
“Oh shit. You got me.” He said, and he dropped down to his knees. He stopped laughing now. It had been about 30 seconds and he was no longer pretending he was in on the joke. I guess the pain in his worthless family jewels had at this point reached its zenith.
“Yeah no shit I got you. Go down!” I said, and pushed him closer to the pavement. Dan curled into a fetal position and started dry heaving.
“Don’t be a baby in front of your best mates” I said. I’d seen it all before by then and I knew I’d only testi-blasted him at about 50% Stacy-power, which let’s be honest though, is still a quite hard cock-punt. My roommate, another ballbuster, was with us and she rolled her eyes and laughed at Dan and said to him, “Yeah she didn’t even kick you as hard as she could.”
I probably said something like, “Oh wait, there isn’t a CCTV camera there, I must have imagined it.” The important thing is, for these sorts of surprise ball attacks, from a legs-length away, it’s ideal to get the boy to look up and away from you so you can really get a good wind up for a solid delivery.
3) Distract & Attack!
You don’t always have room for an, “Look up there!” sort of ruse, and have to instead resort to other feminine wiles. Another favourite of mine is the Distract & Attack method. This works well in a nightclub or a bar-type of environment when everyone is out and having fun. A few years ago I went to Edinburgh to visit my friend and we were all having a wonderful time, dancing late into the night. Everyone was pretty drunk, sweaty, horny and the dance floor was absolutely packed (remember when that used to happen?). I was dancing with this hot American guy, my huge titties were pressed up against him, when I felt his hand go down my back and squeeze my butt. I didn’t mind because I was clearly into him, but then I noticed that he put his hands on my shoulders, touching my neck and playfully tugging on my ear.
Wait, who the fuck was touching my ass? I turned around and there was this skeezy guy blatantly feeling my bum! I stopped dancing, my mouth dropped open, then closed, and he laughed. I leaned over and yelled in his ear “You want some more?”
“Where babe?” he yelled back. So I leaned over towards him, my boobs glistening together in the blue club light. I nodded my head and bit my lip. He came a step closer and I saw his hands come up towards me, so I leaned in and just as his thumbs brushed up against the sides of my breasts I brought my knee up into his pervert bollocks.
It’s actually best to use the lower part of the thigh so you have a large surface area that smashes into the offending goolies, the vulnerable and sensitive male organs simply have nowhere to go and get pulverized into hopefully nothing, especially if you’re a beautiful young lady full of righteous anger.
He let out a pain stifled, “Eurgh!” and just went straight down to the sticky dark floor. There were so many people crowded around he sort of disappeared into the floor. Down there it kind of smelled like stale beer and indistinguishable spirits, but it was the best place for him.
No one stopped dancing, and instead everyone danced around him as he was crumpled on the disgusting floor. A small woman with short hair asked us “What happened to him??”
I said, “He touched my bum!”
She laughed and spanked him on the butt and we all kept on dancing.
Me and the American went off to get a cool drink and I never saw the stupid butt-toucher again. In fact I completely forgot about the whole groin-kneeing incident entirely except that I’d written it in old journal. I remembered the American and the night out, but the complete destruction of the perverts future family lineage was a non-event, however, still funny enough to put in the journal as a sentence, but as in more of a “How dare he!” Kind of way. It’s nice to look back and remember the little details after all.
4) Trick Ball Vice!
This was a good one because it was one of those boys who’s like, “Do anything, I don’t care, my balls are yours!”. I like these kinds of boys for obvious reasons, but mostly because I don’t have to worry about getting sued if I literally ruin their stupidity stones. This isn’t really a “tricked into ballbusting” story but instead, testing their ballbusting limits and trying something new.
So I said, “Okay this’ll be fun, I’ll squeeze your balls. First, let me tie you up.” So he dutifully let me do so. But, here’s the trick! The testicle vice! Woohoo! He didn’t see that one coming.
After I tie him up, I pull his nuts through the hole and clamp it shut so tight that it just won’t go down any further. The balls have nowhere to go. Unless his danglers want to compress into a singularity they simply cannot be squished any more.
He’s screaming and screaming “No! No! Nooo stooooop!” and so I stuff a ball-gag into his mouth, because we don’t want to wake the neighbours do we? Just kidding. No one can hear him, but the screams were annoying to me.
Now he’s screaming, more quietly, “mmffmmmmmmff!” but he can’t take the gag out or touch his balls because he’s all tied up and I’m pretty sure he can feel his testicles dying as I’m laughing at him. As much fun as this is to watch, it’s also very fun to just leave and go about my housework. Maybe read a book. Have a spot of lunch. It’s delicious to know that as I’m cheerfully going about my day, his nougats are causing him to experience a fantastical sort of time dilation. As I eat my crunchy apple, his ball-seconds tick by, each moment drawn out into agonising nut terror. The existential fear of genetic annihilation creeping into his heart as his testes die more every second, starved of oxygen. If there is anything left of his babymakers, the DNA machines are probably all fucked up so let’s hope he never tries to have kids because it’ll probably come out funny.
I heard that if you leave the testicles without oxygen for 15 minutes, they die. So I left them for 20 minutes, just to be safe. When I got back they were in an awful shape. Flat and purple, they looked like dead zombie balls. I don’t know if they survived, but they still felt pain, whatever that indicates. You see, because when I kicked them as hard as I could a few moments later, they hurt so bad that the stupid boy completely passed out! He was able to stay conscious for 20 minutes of the most extreme ball agony, but just one full force kick to those same pre-agonized balls sent him to lights-out land! A wonderful result, and I can’t recommend it enough. Every lady needs to take advantage of a submissive ball-perv. Trick him a little, he’ll get over it. All these ball-perverts want is to “go hard or go home”, “test themselves”, get ball-knocked out, be humiliated, embarrass themselves and show a pretty lady how inadequate and weak the male form is, who am I to say no to that? Trust me, give them what they want, and they’ll be eating out of the palm of your hand like a little puppy dog. You’ll see.
Anyway, tricks are good and any ladies are free to borrow any of these methods. You boys, let me know in the comments if these or any other cool ball-tricks ever happened to you, you know I love a good laugh.
p.s You had better not have read this without punching yourself in the balls!